Monday, November 20, 2017



There are a handful of 80s songs that , if you really listen to the lyrics, sound like the artist needs to:
A) get a life
B) get back into reality
3) Have a restraining order placed on them.

 Let's start with Dan Hartman - That awesome 80s song "I CAN DREAM ABOUT YOU". A 'love song' if you may? But, think about it. "I can dream about you, if I can't hold you tonight"...what if the  girl he wants does not want him. It is like a weird threat - you won't be with me!? No problem, I'll have you in my dreams! Creepy!

Dan Harman getting ready for sleepy time...will you be in his dream tonight?

The real Dan Harman!

Just adding a bit of mysticism makes it even creepier!

Tommy Tutone's hit song JENNY aka 867-5309, now that song makes me question the song writer. Tommy finds a phone number scribbled on the wall in the men's room. He fantasises about who this Jenny is. He tries to call on numerous occations, but, gets all nervous. Man, this dude has some big problems!?

Maybe, but, probably more like a nerdy guy who has girl phobia

Speaking of relationship problems, how about Rick Springfield. What I get from that song JESSIE'S GIRL is that he knows some dude named Jessie and is pining over his girl...we never know her name, he just refers to her as 'girl' (nice Rick). It's like two toddlers in a sandbox and Rick wants Jessie's toy. Instead of going out and finding a 'girl' for himself, Rick just obsesses over Jessie's girl. Wishing over and over that he 'had her'. It is very objectifying and weird!

This screams 'marking territory'

Jessie's nameless girl is just a trophy...very sad.

I feel Springfield has something against Jessie

Kind of like The Cars song BEST FRIEND'S GIRL. They sing all about having a giant crush on their best friend's girl. Why do that to your 'bestie' man?

I wouldn't want you as my best friend - you'd steal my girl!

Then there is ESCAPE by Rupert Holmes. The ultimate messed up relationship song. The guy is sitting there reading the personal ads in bed while his wife is sleeping beside him! He decides she is not new and shiny enough so he responds to this personal ad from a fun sounding chick. Well, doesn't it turn out that cool sounding fox is actually his 'old lady'! They meet up at a bar to 'escape' their worn out relationships and realize...whoops, that personal ad was actually my wife/husband. They have a little chuckle and drink some champagne. Then go home and make love at midnight and NOT do yoga. Now, that is messed up!

I predict divorce in four years

Hopefully, they just laughed together and solved all of their problems

What? Did they then both clap their hands?

Then there is the songs that make you feel sad for the guy...Example, Joe Jackson's IS SHE REALLY GOING OUT WITH HIM. The poor guy is staring out the window watching all the other dudes in town taking ladies on dates and such, while he wallows away in his apartment repeating sad mantras to himself about how much of a loser he is. All the while thinking, why are those guys gettin' the girls? UM, maybe you just need to go out and talk to a lady Joe!

You do Joe, you do look smooth!

Joe go Steppin' Out and meet that girl of your dreams!

Monday, November 13, 2017



The huge hair of the 80s was, literally, everywhere! It was so big! The poor ozone never stood a chance. It was bigger than big in the heavy metal scene, where it seemed, if you were a rock band you had gigantic hair...and usually some spandex pants to go with the hair.

Not only did Autograph Turn Up the Radio, they turned up the volume on their hair and on stage outfits! Nice stitching Rod!

Autograph asked us to Turn Up the Radio
If I had to guess I'd say this next pic was a group of overage dudes doing a very, very, good job of dressing like an 80s hairband...but, I could be wrong. As you'll see, some of the outfits looked so bad they were good. If you know what I mean?

80s Hairband
Like this pic of Cinderella...luckily, we don't know what we've got till it's gone. Personally, I'm glad this look is gone. I mean think of all the time I wasted puffin' my hair up like that!

Cinderalla gave the princess a run for best hair

Def Leppard's style wasn't Hysteria, but, more tame. Still fairly big hair, but, at least the one guy is wearing a suit jacket (from a cruise line maybe?)

Def Leppard tamed the tiger and their hair

Combining big, huge, out of this world hair, with big, huge, out of this world outfits, was all the rage for awhile. And, the crue that pulled it off the best, IMO, was Motley Crue. I bet those outfits drove the Girls, Girls, Girls, cray cray.
Motley Crue doing the due!

Ooh that Motley Crue looked so studly...b/c of all the studs in their clothing

Speaking of Girls, Girls, Girls. There was that trend of bands making themselves up to look like Girls, Girls, Girls. Can't really remember what the reason was at this point - times have changed so much that it isn't rebellious to do that anymore.

Even a fake mascara mole above the lip...nice

I used to give roses to my lady friends, even though Every Rose Has its Thorns. But, what I could never pull off was the lady look that Poison hits bullseye in this pic. I don't remember Poison ever looking like this, I remember the leather. The hair was the same of course.

Poison pulling off the big hair girly look....cute

This band hits all the right notes with the hair, the headbands, the cat print tighty pants...ah back in the day, they were Back Alright, but, not that far. The Backstreet Boys do a great job of interpreting the fashion of the 80s metal band. They fooled me when I was looking through pinterest.

Backstreet boys tricked me into believing they were an 80s rock n roll sensation

I believe this is Mark Slaughter of Slaughter looking kind of feminin...interesting wrist guards. Yes, that's what I was what drew my eyes, his wrist guard thingy...thingies.

Poodle hair

There is enough make up in this pic to make your eyes spin Round and Round. RATT wins for best permed hair that's for sure.

RATT kept many a hair stylist busy during their run in the 80s

A close second in the permed hair band is Ozzy and his band of misfits. Interesting choice of trousers guys?

Classic rock look bang on

Speaking of trousers, these pants will Rock You Like A Hurricane if you stare at them too long. Take the time to look up and appreciate the effort the Scorpions put into their top/vests/jacket choices.

Scorpions and their Big City Nights look

Now, if you really want some advice on a nice place to get an authentic 80s jacket, talk to your wing man - Winger. These hairy rockin' dudes (look at the height of that one guys hair!) can sure rock a custom designed leather jacket! Exclusive!!!

Any one of these dudes could be my wingman for a night

And, if you are looking for something with more tassles, call up Whitesnake. These equally hair-full dudes can probably direct you to a great suede stylist or maybe even a skinny tie making shop? Quick question - are those jeans hurting you?

Whitesnake obviously took pride in their big hair

If you are more the timeless leather jacket and jeans kind of guy then Skid Row is for you. They are probably still wearing the same clothes thirty years later...I hope they trimmed off some of the hair or at least used some sort of hair taming styling product.

Skid Row put time into their hair and music, not the latest fashion trends
Warrant is probably still looking for that Cherry Pie in their all leather outfits. I don't know about you but when I think of wearing really tight leather pants, a leather vest, NO shirt, and cowboy boots I think, dang I want to grow my mega hair and puff it all up real big like.

There should be a Warrant out for how cool these dudes look

I'll leave you all with this image. Yes, it is real. No, you have probably not heard of Stryper...I think they were just a little ahead of their time. At least fashion wise. Didn't they sing that song Queen Bee!?

For more great 80s fashion critiques check out this post -

Monday, November 6, 2017



There a few songs from the 80s that I love, but, don't really know the words. You think the singers knew them? Or, did they just ad lib?

Mann, what are those lyrics?
What did you think the lyrics were? I thought they were Blinded by the light. Rack up like a deuce, she was a boner in the night...

 With another Halloween past, and another year of dressing like Michael Jackson, I should have done my reasearch and picked a witty costume. Something to do with Hall and Oates maybe. The only problem is I'd like to grow a moustache if I was being Hall & Oates.

Hall & Oates - maybe next year!

Maybe Hall, but, Oates' stash might get in the way!

Steve Perry has NOT been in the news lately. No surprise. He hasn't been seen publicly for about twenty years now. I'm starting to stop believing he is alive...sorry about the grammer. 

I've been a believer for pretty near thirty years now.

No, Journey will welcome you back with Open Arms!

My biggest problem lately has been money. Mo money mo problems they say. Well, I'll believe that when I live it...

So, my MJ costume scared a lot of children this halloween - that's why they are considering cancelling Halloween in our town. Too bad, I have a great Hall and Oates costume I was hoping to wear next year...and I've gotta start growing my moustache.

Moonwalk to the mincraft block holmes.

Magnetic shoes? It had to be magnetic shoes!
 I've also been having a hard time at work. My boss was born in a small town in the USA and just doesn't get me. The dude doesn't even like Springsteen. Isn't that ironic?

The real Boss?

On the eighth day...

Weird weather we've been having. It even rained down in Africa.

Doesn't matter to me. Any weather I send my kids to school. At least I know they won't be messin' with my vinyl if they are out of the house.

And, I really hope they are not tardy.

Enjoy more 80s music jokes -

Friday, November 3, 2017



Remember Alf, the Alien Life Form? Remember his hair?

Trump hair!
I don't really care if Donald Trump stole Alf's hair because I think Alf might have stolen my cat back in '88!

Monday, October 30, 2017



Where's Waldo (Where's Wally outside of North America) was a book that came out in the late 80s...and I'm happy to say it is still going strong with young kids today. A timeless piece that connects generations. The greatest generation (80s) and the next greatest generation (the 2000s).

Where's Waldo modernized

Where's Waldo 80..ized.

But, did you ever actually stop and think about Waldo? Was Waldo on the run? Why were we constantly looking for him? Was it in fact a symbolic piece that we all connected with because we were all searching for ourselves?

Lose yourself for too long and you may need to seek help.

Waldo must have had some serious mental health issues.

Or maybe we just thought his dorky hat was funny?!

Wow, that's a lot of Waldo hats!
Could that kind of phenomenon happen now adays? Not with social media and GPS tracking on phones. Unless you were a hermit living off the grid...actually, now that I look at it, Waldo does look like he could fit into a back-to-nature commune or something like that.


A quick google search will show you where Waldo is, or at least where he was...

I've had a theory on Waldo that I've been working on for years. I think he commits a lot of crime and his alibi is the crowd...sure, spend an hour finding him, while he is actually out robbing old ladies, then when he shows up he claims, "i was here the whole time". 
I'm certain I checked the spot where he was like 15 times! I SWEAR IT! DAMN YOU WALDO!!!
30 years later Waldo has never been convicted
Another theory is that he is a major baby daddy...that actually makes a lot of sense. Sound legit to me.

Waldo evades child support payment for 23rd year in a row

He could also be like that bratty kid you used to play hide and seek with...the one that would bend the rules. Jerk.

Not well played Waldorf!
Reminds me of this guy - Levi Johnston. The guy who went to the library copy of Where's Waldo and circled him or used white out! Thanks for ruining it for me Levi! Yes, I still hold a grudge 30 years later!

Who really cares where he was hiding, we all know the real reason why he was hiding. Chuck Norris is the reason.